Posts Tagged ‘Yahweh’

laughSometimes it’s good to laugh at ourselves…Here’s a lillte fun for the night.

Question: Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Answer: Noah — he was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Question: Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
Answer: Pharaoh’s daughter — she went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little profit (oops, that should read “prophet”).
Question: What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?
Answer: Ruth-less.
Question: Who was the first drug addict in the Bible?
Answer: Nebuchadnezzar — he was on grass for seven years.
Question: What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
Answer: Yahweh drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.
David’s Triumph was heard throughout the land.
Honda… because the apostles were all in one Accord.
2 Corinthians 4:8 describes a group traveling in a Volkswagen Bug: “We are hard pressed on every side.”
Question: Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
Answer: Samson — he brought the house down (Judges 16:30).
Question: Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
Answer: In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.
Question: How did Adam and Eve feel when expelled from the Garden of Eden (Genesis 3:23-24)?
Answer: They were really put out.
Question: What is one of the first things that Adam and Eve did after they were kicked out?
Answer: They really raised Cain.
Question: What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
Answer: “Your mother ate us out of house and home” (Genesis 3:6).
Question: The ark was built in 3 stories. The top one had a window to let in light. How did the bottom two stories get light?
Answer: They used floodlights.
Question: Who is the greatest baby-sitter mentioned in the Bible?
Answer: David — he rocked Goliath to sleep.
Question: Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot?
Answer: The thought had never entered his head before.
Question: If Goliath would come back to life today, would you like to tell him the joke about David and Goliath?
Answer: No, he already fell for it once.
Question: What is the best way to get to Paradise?
Answer: Turn right and go straight.
Question: Which of Yahweh’s servants was the Bible’s most flagrant lawbreaker?
Answer: Moses, because he broke all 10 commandments at once.
Question: Which area of the Promised Land was especially wealthy?
Answer: The area around the Jordan where the banks kept overflowing.
Question: How do we know that Job went to a chiropractor?
Answer: Because Job 16:12 says: “All was well with me, but . . . he seized me by the neck”
Question: Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
Answer: When Joseph served in Pharaoh’s court.
Question: Which Bible character had no parents?
Answer: Joshua, son of Nun (Joshua 1:1).
Question: Why didn’t Noah go fishing?
Answer: He only had two worms.
to top of pageQuestion: How do we know that they played cards in the ark?
Answer: Because Noah sat on the deck

Lamentations 2:1 How the Lord has covered the Daughter of Zion with the cloud of his anger! He has hurled down the splendor of Israel from heaven to earth; he has not remembered his footstool in the day of his anger.

 

Jerusalem was Israels Capital City, and Israel was God‘s chosen Nation. But when the people of Jerusalem turned their backs on God to worship Idols, their favored status did nothing to protect them from being punished. They had to endure God’s anger, just like anyone else who disobeys his commands. Unlike human anger, which is often a product of insecurity or deficient temperament, God’s anger comes from His perfect justice and Holiness. But it’s done like the punishment from a parent to a child. With love, for our own good.